A long time ago on Box Hill, so long ago that no one can remember, so long ago that no box tree can remember, so long ago that even no rock can remember, so long ago that the humans, the fairies and the animals could speak to each other, a great White Hart roamed the slopes of Box Hill. The white hart watched over the peace loving Bedlam people who danced, made music and entertained the Dork King and his Kingdom of Dorks, simple but peaceable folk who dwelt in the shadow of the great and mighty Box Hill.
Sadly all was not well in the valley of the moles. The peace-loving Dorks had one great enemy to blight their happy and dorkish existence – the evil knight of Leatherhead. Known as the Black Rat he was a fearsome figure clad in a stout leather helmet and Three Jolly Sheepskins. It is a little known fact that the town of Leatherhead itself was named after the Black Rat’s fearsome leather helmet.
The Black Rat was jealous of the Dork King and his mighty steed Colin, a giant cockerel. Having a cockerel instead of a horse meant that the Dork King could fly to the top of Box Hill which rather upset the Black Rat, stuck as he was in the swampy wastelands of Fetcham.
One night after an evening of dance and music, the Dork king was slightly Tipsy and the Black Rat seized his chance to attack with a mighty Bellow. A bloody battle ensued with heavy fighting between the warriors of Leatherhead and the Dorks. The Black Rat’s army was too strong for the White Hart, he couldn’t save the Bedlamers and so he was taken safely Away With The Fairies. Overpowered, the army of the Dorks had no choice but to leave Box Hill and Scarper.
The Box Hill Bedlamers were banished to the dungeons in the caves of Betchworth and the key was thrown into the Queen of Leatherhead’s Cuckoo’s Nest. There they lay in a deep hibernation for thousands upon thousands of years. Colin, the Dork King’s trusty steed was turned to silver and frozen in time on a grassy mound just outside the town. In time the scattered population of the Dorks returned to the town, including Major Labilliere. By then the memory of the great battle had faded so the Dorks couldn’t remember where Colin had come from so they just walked round and round him, gazing in wonderment and because of this the mound on which Colin sat became known as the Big Cockerel Roundabout.
In 2012 AD, the Box Hill Bedlamers were awoken from their slumber by the rowdy crowds on Box Hill at the Olympic cycle race. Once more the girls and Boys of Bedlam can be seen on the majestic hill dancing and singing and entertaining the modern day Dorks. As for the Dork King, well if you’re lucky you might catch a glimpse of him too. Legend says that he appears with St George and Deidre the dragon and the Box Hill Bedlamers, sometimes at the Stepping Stones, sometimes at the top of Box Hill but only once or twice a year.